6 month

Probably the best I ever had. Something tells me I am the luckiest guy on this planet. I see all your troubles, volks and I feel sorry for all of you. Some time ago I told a real good friend of mine that my life can't be much better than it was. In fact I got better with every day I know there is this little sweety thinking of me. Today we are together for exactly 6 month and 1 day.

In other words:
184 days
4.416 hours
264.960 minutes
15.897.600 seconds

Sounds a lot, but feels like it was just yesterday when I kissed her her the first time. A lot has changed in this 6 month. I saw how to friends of mine threw away there friendship, how two friends of mine got together, how my home changed to somthing else, how I lost my respect of some people, how some friendships got stronger, how myself got someone else.

There is nothing I complain about in the last 6 month. Really nothing. I just have got a another view to such a lot of things. If you feel very good yourself and if youraren't completly arogant, than you beginn to see the sorrows of the others.
I've got a very strong believe in what I take as right or wrong and at the moment I see something going completly wrong. It's nothing about me, but about two good friends of mine.
Sophie - I think you understand that - I really feel sorry for you. I know I am jointly guilty for this, but this wasn't my intention. I thought he would act a lot different than he does now. His behavior is completly the other way arround to that what I expected.

I really just want o help you, but to be honest I've got know ideas anymore. This situation got out of control - and that's a really new experience to me. Maybe it would have been better, if I never but my hands on this, but maybe nothing would have happend if I wasn't doing this.

Sophie, there is something I have to tell you. Something about me. Something you might have expected. I can't tell you here, so I think we have to meet again.

So the last 6 month past away like short moment in my life. The best moment I ever had.

easy ACDC

I know you might don't expect me to be so easy to influence. No matter about my last post of today. I am feeling great. "Are you ready for a good time?" like ACDC asks us. Yes I am and yes that's what I am having right now. If I count the hours I've got to work this week - normally I do not do that - there are just 17,5 hours left. That's really not much. Thursday is holiday, so I just have to stand up early two times this week. To be able to say that on a tuesday is really a reason to be in a good mood.
But this isn't the real reason - In fact I don't know it.
I just feel good, without knowing why. A strange situation. Nevertheless I am enjoying it and I want to thank ACDC for this.

Beeing so happy, always makes me think about what I can do better and the first thing that comes to my mind is that I feel a bit guilty. Strange again...

I think I should tell her more. She has the right to know what I am doing. So I will. She probably has so many things she wants to know, but doesn't know how to ask for. I understand that. This situation is nothing new for me.
I have to find a way between telling her everything she wants to know and frighten her. I am in good spirits that this will work in any kind of way. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will. I can't risk to loose her trust. So she has to get a little deeper into this story.
She should decide how fast she wants to learn.

my statement

I do not accuse anybody of doing something wrong - keep that in mind - I just want to say how it looks from my point of view. I don't want anything to change, because I know it won't, no matter what I am doing. This is no problem for me, because problems are here to be solved and if there is no solvetion then it isn't a problem but a fact and facts are nothing bad. Facts are the only things that help us defining ourselfes and understanding our world.

So let's start with some facts without accusing somebody of doing something wrong. It was like this, beacause it had to be like this. Not right - Not wrong.
You lost me within the last 19 years. You lost the knowledge about who I am. You might think to know, but that's not true. You just know how I act in front of you. Not more. You believe in what you're hearing and seeing. You don't think about what I am when you don't see me and in fact you see me just for a fews minutes a day. So don't you think there is just a little more to know about me? But for you you it is now to late to get all this knowledge about me.

You ask me why I do not talk to you. That's because there is nothing to talk. My world and your world touching eachother nearly never. There is only this house that keeps our world together, but the fact that we are living in the same house doesn't make us equal.

I do not blame you for not caring about me. Thats not true. I don't think you are to stupid to understand me. I never said that, even if you always blame me to do so. The only thing I say is that we are completly different persons, with extremly different views and lifes. We can't understand eachother. There is nothing to talk about. If you ask me how my day was, do you exspect a very interessting answer? You know nearly nothing about my life outside this house - and most of my life happens there - what should I tell you? Do you exspect an answer like "Oh, today was a great day! I did .... and then ..... came to me and told me about ...... " You don't understand my work, my way of life, my decissions, my priorities and who I call a friend - don't get me wrong, not because you're stupid, but because the most things that are extremly importent for me, do not mean anything in your world.

I just want this to be said. This is no call for help. I don't want anything to change, because of this. The reason for me to tell you that is that I want you to understand that I am who I am, no matter who you think I am and I am proud of it.
If I do not stay where you are to talk, it is because there is nothing I can tell you. If you have to tell me something you can come to me every evening to tell me, but don't exspect a answer that's longer than 'yes' or 'no'. I don't do this because I do not like you, but there is no possibility for talking about things which aren't things I have to do or other organisation manners. For us talking about the good things in life isn't possible. What I take as a very importent part of my life, is nothing but a senseless waste of time in your world. I do not blame you for this. It is like it is. I can live with that. I don't think there is anything bad about it, but you do, right?

I have to disapoint you, there is nothing anyone can change about this. You live your life and I live mine. On this little point where these two worlds are touching each other you can take the lead and tell me to do whatever you want, but this won't bring you closer to me.

I think Code will shape this day

So finally it's friday I guess. I hope my PC clock isn't playing a trick on me. Today I'll work probably until 2:00 PM or so. I thought I would work a lot longer, because there was so much to do and to be finished today, but I was winning this fight against this huge heap of work.

I didn't expected it to be this way. I think I was very motivated today. The code just came straight out of my mind, through my fingers and into this application and works without any troubles. That's a good feeling to feel so talented and I haven't felt like this for a long time.
I hate it to be proud of myself. It makes me feel arogant in some kind of way. Maybe I am.

However, this day seems to get better and better. Just a few hours separating me from my sweety and just a few more hours from going with her and some friends to the cinema. - The daVinci Code - I read the book and it totally satisfied me. Even if the katholic church and others complain about about it.
I know much about the church and religions and read a lot in the bible, went to an katholic school, read the apokryph writings and grew up in a katholic family with a grandfather that was the chairman of the church local council. Nevertheless I am no believer, but I used it as a hobby to inform myself about religion, the church and all the historical background.

For someone like me that don't believes everything he hears or sees, there is so much more information arround as we should see. I probably got a very different view to this whole topic - a more scientific one - and I think this is the reason why I liked this book so much.
Ok, maybe some facts are complete fantasy, but there are also a lot of things in this book which are based on rumors and facts, no matter if the church says that these are no facts, which are really interessting.
The story of course is pure fantasy, but isn't that the reason why I read a book? To be entertained by a greate story? A fantastic story? No matter what it is about, as long as I like it?

So why do some people say that such films should be banned? It's entertainment folks! Not more! Just because it is about religion and is not the way like the church would like it to have, there is still no reason to bann this.
Everybody has the right to think and publicate what ever he wants as long as it isn't against any law. So if a lot of people like this and no one breaks a law with this, no one should complain about it. If you don't like, don't watch it.
I will watch it and the only thing I worry about is: Will the filme be as good as the book was?

a mattress called Fred

No this is no keyword or something, I am really talking about a mattress. One of my colleagues told about a book today in which they harvest mattresses. This matresses seem to be alive and they all have the same name - Fred.
So, if you kill some of them and then take them with you, the other mattresses don't know who's missing, because if they ask if Fred is still here, there is allways someone who says - YES, I'M HERE.
Why do i tell you that? Because it perfectly describes a problem of a good friend of mine, which I considered not to be as serious as it seems to me now.
I thought there would be an easy solvetion for this situation, but in fact it's like searching for the missing mattress by it's name.
Problems are solved by asking for reasons - I think - but if I ask for the reason, as if I would ask if Fred isn't here anymore, I can't get a usefull answer. I think I should read the book - or ask my colleague who read it - how the matresses got out of this trouble. Allthough I think they never did. I know, if I think in a less crazy way, the easiest way to solve this would be to give all of them different names, but Fred was killed allready so this would just prevent to get in such a situation again and it wouldn't solve the current problem.
So what can I do to help my friend. I think she isn't able to solve the problem on her own anymore, because it got to complex to solve it as an involved person. I am kind of an outstanding watcher of this missery. Maybe I can do something that helps. But how can I solve a problem when it's reason is unknown?
It is so confusing and so far a way from logical thinking. Humans are so disturbed, but to be in balance with this world I have to clean this mess up. I think that's my job. So I keep on searching for Fred.

heavy rain

In fact i think rain is something very beautiful. For me it represents perfect chaos and chaos represents the most impressive form of order. Wired, ain't I? This morning when I was getting out of this little shop, where i was bying cigaretts, it all of a sudden started to rain very heavily .
I saw people running to their cars or into the shop, but I went was just slowly walking to my car watching this marboulus thing happen. Millions of little raindrops falling from the sky and exploding when hitting the ground. I wasn't scared about getting a little wet and of course I got wet. When I was sitting in my car, I saw myself with a big smile on my face in the side mirror. I haven't seen myself for a long time like that. Everything seemed allright. The world was clear and logic as I like it.

A few hours later I read my emails at work. Except of the usual spam I found a mail from a good friend of mine. She told me something, that wasn't really stunning me, but it made me a bit worring, because I didn't expect to hear that from her.

It's usually not her style to complain about private things, because her head is normally full of work to do and educational things. I told her that I always have time for her to talk, if she wants to, but in fact she told me most of her problems in the following mails. Allthough we're going for coffee to day after work, to have a little time to talk. Let's see what else she has to tell me.

Switch the topic
It's wednesday now, that means only to times sleeping until it's friday and that means only to times sleeping until I see my sweety again. I miss her a lot. Working with her at the same place was so much easier, because I saw her every day. Now I am working several kilometers away from her and only see her at the weekends. I mean I am not the one who don't needs his freedom. I need a lot of it, but I got a little used to seeing her every day.
But there's another thing about friday. On friday some friends, my girlfriend and I are meeting for discussing our trip to the Nova-Rock festival, which takes place in the middle of june. I am really excited about that and happy to be able to go there, but there is a little thing I worry about. I hope my worries will go up in dust this friday, but maybe they will burn theirselfs into my brain.
So I think everything i can do is wait, but the rain was a good sign today.

Monday again

I think I hate this day. I know, everybody does.
I can't say i haven't slept enough this weekend - I think, you always sleep better if you sleep beside your honey, with her hand on your belly. It's like getting killed every week, when you wake up in the morning and your body says: "No! Don't! It is too early! I don't want to see the sunlight!"

In fact now it is 13:21 and my eyes got used to light, but there is still this feeling. It tells me: "Damn! 4 times standing up in the morning, before you can sleep again for more than 2 hours" Oh, did i say 2 hours? I think i have to explain. I am not used to sleep if it is dark. So I don't sleep a lot during the night, which makes it even harder to stand up.
My day was quiet interessting so far. Creating some class diagrams, a little programming, and a lot of analysis. I hope this analystics are ok, I don't want to do them again. But, who cares! Going for some serious programming work now.

2 days a week

Ok in fact it ain't 2 days. I estimate it last for about 52 hours every week. This feeling of beeing free and of a world in balance. It is like an illness, which last for 5 days and then stops for 2 before it begins again.
It's not like i would hate my job . No not at all, i love what I am doing, but the fact she is so far away, makes me sick.
I miss her. But you know: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Coffee, thats what I need now. I didn't sleep so muc h last night. I wonder when I was sleeping a lot for the last time. I think I am used to it. Looking like dead in the morning and the sunlight burning in my eyes.

Just 4,5 hours left to go. I think it's not to much, then my weekend begins. I am kind of happy, I think.

C for Coding again

C++

I think it's again time for something new. I've been programming Java, C#, VB, etc.... But now I want to develop things for Linux and Java is not way I want to do it. So I think C++ could be a good decission.
There are a lot of tutorials on the net and C++ is so similar to C# or Java, so I think there won't be many problems for me to learn it.
One big problem I expect is developing a GUI, but for my first steps console applications may be enough.

Help me

So what's missing here?
I was just looking for a Tutorial or something else for using jar files in .NET and i found a Microsoft helppage, but I think it won't help me much.
The site, as you can see, only consist of a headline and a rating box.
There is no content on this page. Nothing. But I have a rating box to tell Microsoft how usefull this is. So I think I will rate it. I give it a 9, which is the best possible mark, because I never got help or information in a so clear and simple way like this. *gg*




That's why Windows is like medicine - sometimes we need it, but if we take it for too long, it's not good for us.

First Words

First at all... ...Hi!

I don't give much about telling a long story at the beginning so I'll start like this is not my first post.

Today I installed Ubuntu 6.06 Beta on my Sony Vaio. It works great and I'm really happy about it. I think it is the first Linux distribution which works right out of the box, even on my laptop. In the future you will heare more about my programming experiences and my Ubuntu and about everything else that comes to my mind.